This wasn't supposed to happen!

My sister's fiance, George, lost his battle with AML early this morning. respiratory and heart
failure, 4 days after his diagnosis. A good man who passed too soon at 34, father of 3.
This should have been their wedding shower celebration day.

This wasn't supposed to happen! They were supposed to marry, live together for 50+ years, raise their kids, .....this is so wrong. WRONG dammit. I'm torn between anger and tears - mostly for my sister and the kids, but partially for me. She was getting everything she hoped for finally - and gave me hope and it it just too terrible for words. I want to do more than cry, comfort, plan, - I want to destroy something.........and it won't do any good whatsoever. I'm trying NOT to imagine all my sister must be thinking - what all the kids must be thinking - because I break down every time.

I know taht the worst despair will ease, but I'm afraid of the time it will take, of how far the wounds will go....of losing my grip on sanity, on hope for the future, on faith that things will work out for the best - I'm so tired of it all right now part of me wants to just....disappear? quit? none of it will help...so I've got to do what I've done for so long - put one foot in front of the other and try to maintain the illusion that all will be well............