27 October 2007
By George, I think she's got it!
3rd place in sparring - at her first tournament! I think J's found something she enjoys and is good at doing. She started in August, and we are very proud of her. She's proud of herself, too!
20 October 2007
Rather random thoughts....
Saturday. For once I'm alone in the house, and it is very quiet when the dogs aren't barking.
What does life matter? It depends upon the situation, I think.
To my children, I matter. To the world in general, I am pretty sure I don't exist.
I have few friends, an extended family that is, to say the least, an experience. I thought I had a boyfriend, but right now I couldn't say for sure. Which probably means that I *don't* have one.
I want to love and be loved by one man, but I've given up on trying. There are many things in my life that are skewed, that drain the time and focus from anything outside the family which creates challenges for trying to do anything else. I know that I am not the only one living between what is necessary and what is hoped for in my life. Neither am I the only one who has large problems/issues.
Some people, knowing what the situation is in my life, express amazement, I guess is what you would say, for the ability of us to simply handle life. Between the health, monetary, and personal areas of my life, most usually say that they wouldn't be able to keep going.
IMO, what keeps me going is a mixture of hope that things will improve, faith that these challenges are for a reason, and the (not-so-simple) refusal to quit or run away. Quitting is something I decided about 18 years ago was NOT an option. Running away is what I would like to do some times, but I somehow get myself past that point one way or another - and no, I couldn't really explain how. Hope that things will improve is part stubbornness and part past experience - things may improve and always change a little from the current situation. Kind of like when people say "if you don't like the weather, just wait five minutes."
Faith that this means something, to someone is because of past experience from both sides of the issue - the example of others as well as the few times that I know I made a difference. I hope that I've made a positive difference for more people/situations than I know right now.
Every day I have to keep myself moving; some days it is as little as a few seconds at a time and some days it can even be an hour or so at a time. I trust that if I keep moving, keep handling things that the hoped for change will come. That I *can* manage to take the next step, face the next challenge, and move past the old ones with a little more wisdom.
~M
What does life matter? It depends upon the situation, I think.
To my children, I matter. To the world in general, I am pretty sure I don't exist.
I have few friends, an extended family that is, to say the least, an experience. I thought I had a boyfriend, but right now I couldn't say for sure. Which probably means that I *don't* have one.
I want to love and be loved by one man, but I've given up on trying. There are many things in my life that are skewed, that drain the time and focus from anything outside the family which creates challenges for trying to do anything else. I know that I am not the only one living between what is necessary and what is hoped for in my life. Neither am I the only one who has large problems/issues.
Some people, knowing what the situation is in my life, express amazement, I guess is what you would say, for the ability of us to simply handle life. Between the health, monetary, and personal areas of my life, most usually say that they wouldn't be able to keep going.
IMO, what keeps me going is a mixture of hope that things will improve, faith that these challenges are for a reason, and the (not-so-simple) refusal to quit or run away. Quitting is something I decided about 18 years ago was NOT an option. Running away is what I would like to do some times, but I somehow get myself past that point one way or another - and no, I couldn't really explain how. Hope that things will improve is part stubbornness and part past experience - things may improve and always change a little from the current situation. Kind of like when people say "if you don't like the weather, just wait five minutes."
Faith that this means something, to someone is because of past experience from both sides of the issue - the example of others as well as the few times that I know I made a difference. I hope that I've made a positive difference for more people/situations than I know right now.
Every day I have to keep myself moving; some days it is as little as a few seconds at a time and some days it can even be an hour or so at a time. I trust that if I keep moving, keep handling things that the hoped for change will come. That I *can* manage to take the next step, face the next challenge, and move past the old ones with a little more wisdom.
~M
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